young forever

hi. i plan on reblogging and posting pictures on here.. but i also plan to basically make this blog my diary. take it or leave it. oh yeah.... i'm vanessa.

Friday, October 27th.

I feel lonely all the damn time.. having Bryan around just makes my heart happy. He seems to be the one I call on my lonely days.. & he’s almost always there for me. It makes me kinda sad that he wont be with me.. & even gets to me sometimes.. but at the same time, I think it’s a good thing because he is nottt good for me.. I need to raise my standards, as my mom always says, & I need to realize that I deserve better than a guy that’s in n out of jail. BUT UNTIL THEN, he’s all mine. hehehehe eheheheeh <3 i’m so excited to spend Halloween with him (:

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infinity-4nd-beyond:

drama-ll4ma:

omfg i need this ugh

can i have this backpack

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Thursday, October 25th.

Okay.. I’m just in a bad fucking mood. I’m fuckin sick & tired of being alone… for real, I am. I’m ready for a long relationship… not one of these pointless ass short ones.. I want a long one like what Dylan & I had.. & I want to start over fresh with someone. But, the thing is.. I’m so sick of ‘getting to know’ all these new guys… I’m fucking worn out on that shit.. I just wanna know your ass already, mfffff!! & I’m just fucking sad.. Ryan is so fucking perfect.. but he is notttt for me & I’m only going to hurt him.. but he deserves an honest chance.. I just know I’m not gonna give it to him & that really sucks. Bryan doesn’t deserve shit from me but I fucking love his broke, homeless, drama filled, jail bait ass… & I DON’T KNOW WHY. whyyy do i want someone like bryan? who OBVIOUSLY doesn’t want a relationship with me?! I DON’T FUCKING KNOW BUT ITS FUCKED UP. i want more than sex.. excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuseeeee meeeeeeeee for that, mf. :( ugh. & I miss Dominic. This would all be a million times easier if Dom was here.. but he’s not… & even if he was, by now he probably wouldnt wanna be with me either.. god knows i spent enough time pushing him away.. well… IT FINALLY FUCKING WORKED. the min i actually started wanting to be with him he was like noooo bro, btfu. & i’m all like :( waaaaahhh.. i fucking love you, you asshole. & i cantttttt have him.. figures. & then theres jared. man.. FUCK JARED. he was like my fucking angel from above.. perfect in every god damn way imaginable… literally everything about him just SCREAMED PERFECTION & i was soooooooooooo ready for him to come home & start a relationship with me.. too bad he’s not coming home except for to visit.. that’s REALLY gonna suck.. bet $ i end up seeing him while he’s in town.. bet $ i end up falling for him hardcore (as if i’m not already there) bet $$$ he breaks my heart too?!!!!! haaaaaaaaaaaaa.. seems to be the trend now-a-days. he’s supposed to call me in an hour because i texted him bitching about why he’s so perfect.. seriously…………. :( i just want to cry. i am done being alone.. i’m sick of it. none of my friends are alone.. there’s just me…………… & i don’t know how to change that. they’re all with people that aren’t good for them. andrea’s boyfriend is psycho… jake & chae fight sooo much.. shelby’s bf lives in abingdon & they never see each other… i don’t want that kind of relationship.. i want a real one with the perfect person. i want gauges, a good smile, a job, good grades, goals, funny, happy, god family, good music, beliefs, fucking.. everyhing in ommon whaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.. i’m going to bed. im sad. fuck love.. for realzzzzzzzzzz.

October 20th, Saturday.

I just loooooovee having mono & strep at the same time.. awesome.

October 15th, Monday.

I’m going to start using this again since I’m back to the point where I don’t trust anyone… cool. I think Chalen is moving to Monmouth.. I cried like a little bitch. I told Bryan that we were no longer gonna be F buddies.. there was nothing even kind of romantic/ etc that’s even allowed to happen between us since he doesn’t want a relationship. I’m missin’ Dominic sooooo much….. like, it’s nuts. I’ve been texting him every day…… hopefully he’ll start to miss me the way I miss him.. I need a reason to talk to him about our memories. Today I told him I loved him.. god dammit I do.. <3 a;ldkfja;dlk TIME FOR BED IT IS 12:28…. i need to wash a load of laundry.. fml.

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We look so extremely horrible at five in the morning… but you can tell that we’re happy. I love you, Dominic. I feel like a little piece of me will always love you.. & I’ll always have the ‘what if’s’ in the back of my mind.. At the end of the day, no, we weren’t meant to be together.. but we found each other & I can’t even explain how happy I am for that. You have managed to change my life & give me a greater outlook on a lot of things. You’re only twenty years old, but the advice you give is so wise, I don’t think you even realize all the potential you have. You’re so strong.. I can’t imagine going through everything you’ve faced in your life.. but you did it.. yeah, at times it was hard.. but you pulled through & did what you had to do to better yourself. One day you’re going to go faaaaaarr.. haha, I remember one of the first times we ever talked, you told me that you had a plan to be a millionaire by the time you were fifty or something like that, lollll… i remember laughing so hard. In our little time together, we made so many memories.. liiiiiiiiikke:
when you got kicked out of your house, so i told you you could come stay with me at amanda’s and i plucked your eyebrows.. and left jordan for you! hehehe <3
when we sat on amanda’s couch & (i) ate a bowl of mashed potatoes & we just talked for hoursss til we fell asleep.
you trying to teach me how to box in my driveway.
going to the fair together.. even if we weren’t together most of the night.
sitting on the swings, just talkin at king school.
you coming out to the middle of bumfuck egypt just to meet me.. & i was in some basketball shorts & a tshirt, hahaha.
facebook conversations that lead to it all.
spending your last night together…. <3
I miss you so much.. I really do. I’d do anything to have you here with me so that you & I could be together as much as we don’t belong together. I NEVERRRRRR thought I’d even talk to a guy like you.. let alone fall in love with a guy like you.. but getting to know you has in turn, changed me into a better person. You have so much going for you.. I just KNOW you’re going to go far in life as long as you don’t let anyone hold you back the way I would have. I love you, so much, Dominic. You were only a summer romance.. but I will never forget you. <3

September 24th.

I’m on the phone w Jared right now. I really like him & I’m pretty sure we’re gonna date soon.. sooo I wanna like, write about him so like, in the future I can look back on this with him like hahahaha.. look what I said about you! Right now he’s trying to make me go to sleep… it’s 1:30, last night we stayed up til 4 am on the phone. He’s so cute <3 heheheeeeeee.. I’M SO EXCITED FOR FRIDAY. :) wonder how Dominic will react to this.. I haven’t even tried talking to him for over 24 hours now.. & i don’t plan on it either. I don’t chase after anyone.. buuuuttt.. Jared’s cute as shit, we have so much in common.. I love it. lalalaaaaaaaa.. Dylan’s heart broken right now & I’m not… HAHA. sucks to suck…it’s my bed time. lol.

Sunday, August 19th.

Last night Tiff and I went to Western Illinois University. BEST. NIGHT. EVER. I had a great ass time.. like, I’m so fuckin ready to go to college. Being single at college parties is like amazing. I got three numbers just given to me.. free rum, jello shots, beers.. SO MANY CUTE OLDER BOYS. I made out with “sexy sean” hahahaahaha… omgggggg. It was so fucking great. I played beer pong for the first time, too.. that was fun! I’m actually pretty good at it!! AHHHHHHHHH.. it’ll be an every weekend thing, for sure. :)